Cousin Neil
“He always has to do something, and this is one of his stupidest,” Travis said in a mock subtle manner, hoping to be heard.
A resigned shrug from Carla. “What can I say? He thinks it’s funny. You gotta give him credit for always coming up with something different.”
“If he wasn’t your cousin, we would never invite him."
“Is that so? I guess you can do without the cases of wine he always brings. I don’t see your friends bringing anything. Oh, wait, there was the time your buddy Dave made the Peppermint Fudge Cake that tasted like toothpaste. Yea, real gourmet stuff.”
“Ok, ok," countered Travis. “Yea, I admit he is generous, but it comes with a steep price, his showing off. Plus, Neil never lets anyone forget that he brought all that wine or goat cheese dip or whatever. Besides, Dave apologized for forgetting to add chocolate to the cake mix. Personally, I thought it was a very refreshing cake.”
Carla sighed. “It’s real important to Neil that we invite him. He does not take criticism well and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Totally agree, he is embarrassing, but everybody gets it and expects it. They know he will make a fool of himself; it is only a matter of when. He is my cousin and that it is just the way it goes. Don’t be surprised by anything he does."
"I’m surprised that you are saying I shouldn’t be surprised. So his crazy behavior should not be a surprise? If he chose to do nothing, that would be a surprise. So acting normal would be the surprise, but doing something ridiculous would not be a surprise?"
"I have no idea what you are saying. I think you are putting too much into this. Give him a break."
“He is like a little kid on a sugar rush with a big allowance," a frustrated Travis responded. “Neil wants everyone to notice him – he craves attention. Remember when we went to the Natural History Museum? Little kids were crying they were so scared. Idiot thinks dressing as a caveman carrying a club is funny? And those boxers he was wearing under his loin cloth! Security stops him and what did he say? ‘Caveman good. Dinosaur bad’. Lucky he did not get arrested. Or when he invited everyone to a surprise birthday party picnic for Gia and he skydived onto the blanket. Should have known something was up when Gia said her birthday was not for months. “
"But you have to admit he provided a nice lunch. He gets the best olives. Unfortunate that he dropped the bottle of champagne while floating down," defended Carla.
"Serves him right, getting caught in a tree. He talks a load of bullshit. That story about saving his company millions and that he was voted employee of the year. I thought he said he was a nautical accountant with his own business! And who asks for quiet and then gives himself a toast? How about that model he said he was dating but we never met? Seemed she was always away on an exotic shoot. I don’t believe for second that she drowned in a lagoon because her bikini got caught on coral."
"Listen, give the guy a break. He wants to be liked and does not realize he is going about it the wrong way. He wants to be the life of the party. Although I will never forget that bathing suit he wore to the beach. I did not realize they make thong swimsuits for men."
“He called it his Neil-kini. Too much Neil, though not enough kini,” Travis sarcastically replied.
Beth smirked and protectively stated, “He really does not mind people laughing at him. Not at all self-conscious. Kind of an admirable quality in a way.”
“Who’s the guy standing on his head?” asked an amused Tara.
“Oh, that is her Cousin Neil”, Travis scoffed.
“Why is he doing that?”
“He always does screwy stuff like that. He will be glad you noticed him.”
“I am impressed! That is a surprisingly good headstand.”
“Not a surprise. It was expected,” said Travis. “Not standing on his head would be a surprise."